Slow It Down

I'm having an intensely emotional reaction to the combination of the end of the weekend and the listening to of the Lumineers.  I'm feeling nostalgic for something I may not remember or has never actually happened.  There is a longing in my chest for a time past or a time yet to come.  It's bringing tears to the very edge of the ducts that hold them back.

I just want to know all the things I have to look forward to because I feel like I'm letting go of part of my past.  The future is such a scary place.  My fear of the unknown seems crippling at times.  The reality is that the unknown can bring as many wonderful things as it can awful things.  When we focus on the awful we lose track of the possibility of wonderful.  And the wonderful is what we have to live for.

Somedays I just want to be 30 with all my heart.  It is fucking hard to be a 20 something.  It is, by far, the hardest part of my life so far.  Learning to fly, learning to stay afloat, learning to be an adult, learning who I am, learning what I want, what I will tolerate and working towards that goal has been a terribly confusing time.  I want to have it all figured out.  I want to have a supportive partner and a stable home and a career.  Being a 20 something is wearing me out.  I'm terribly bored with the lifestyle of a 20 something.  I'm ready to start down a different path, a new adventure.  At what point do I start to feel comfortable on my life path?  Is comfort complacency?  I don't believe for 2 seconds that I will ever completely settle down.  There will always be adventure in my life.  Because let's be real, I get claustrophobic when I feel stuck.  This goes for being stuck at the top of a roller coaster or in a life that is not right for me.

I definitely need a man who is comfortable with this aspect of my personality.  Because it is a glaring fault about me at times.  If you are flexible with my need to not be complacent or bored in my life, we will never have a problem.