It is March. Nearly April. And as life does with time, I feel like my heart is no longer shattered and in a dust pan near the garbage. I never felt hopeless. I always knew I would see the other side of that experience. And it seems like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and not be terrified that the light is another freight train ready to derail my entire life again.
As I pack this house I poured my heart into for the life I thought I would have with the man I thought loved me and whom I thought I would spend my life with, it is with a heavy heart that I feel a sense of relief that I feel like my life is my own again. It is mine to direct in the ways I want it to go. And I want it to move into this beautiful Capitol Hill Apartment with a brand new living room that I curated with my own style and taste. Where I will spend countless evenings in the arms of a man who takes my breath away. My boyfriend. I didn't think I would have this experience ever again and I was actually sad about that going into my marriage because it didn't feel like my marriage was going to make up for the loss of what it feels like to fall in love with a new person. That should have been a sign that it wasn't right.
And I will travel to my friend's suburban homes in my Mini Cooper with my Basset Hound at my side. Because this is a life I can envision for myself and it is one that doesn't make me uncomfortable but one that excites my spirit. Sam excites my spirit. He makes me want to be better and do better and like I can be my weird self.
On this perfect March evening as the sun sets and the dog sleeps beside me I am at peace. And peace is not something that has come easily in the last few months. For this moment, I am very thankful.
