Life is waiting, queuing, patiently keeping anxiety at bay while the moments we anticipate sit just beyond. Just out of reach.
Waiting is not something I have ever handled with any true amount of grace. It makes me feel crazy and out of control.
Currently I am waiting for the recruiter to call me and set up my interview. I am waiting for a job offer I truly hope I get. I am waiting for the increase in salary that will come with changing jobs, I am waiting for Andrew to get his business out of the confines of his happy little imagination where I fear he will let it live indefinitely. I am waiting to be done living in apartments, I am waiting for the moment we can get a dog.
But dwelling on all of this waiting is a waste of the moment I currently find myself in and that has been the real tragedy of my life. This is the real tragedy of my chronic and overwhelming anxiety.
It has been an ongoing New Year's Resolution to get better at waiting and to learn to appreciate right now. I am better than I used to be but not where I wish I was. I am a work in progress.
For now I will incentivize the wait by re-watching a movie I love and drinking a gin and tonic or two. It helps that I am not in any hurry to go camping this weekend...
Friday, August 28, 2015
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
A Few Fleeting Seconds
My whole life, I have been extremely sensitive to the weather changes in the summer to autumn transition. I can smell it, the air just feels different, I feel different. I feel nostalgic in a way, every autumn.
It has been heightened in the years since I began commuting on foot. Moving at the speed of pedestrian, I notice things like the yellowing of the edges of the leaves in late August and the slight temperature differentials moving between seasons. But my favorite thing is the smell. It soothes my soul to smell the transitioning season.
It occurred to me yesterday that I am about to enter the final year of my 20s.
All things are temporary. This has become my mantra. When I am happy I remember all things are temporary and make every attempt to live within and appreciate the moment of happiness. When things are stressful, remembering that all things are temporary helps me manage the anxiety of living within a stressful situation. Temporary may mean a very long time and it may mean a few fleeting seconds but temporary never means forever.
I will be okay.
It has been heightened in the years since I began commuting on foot. Moving at the speed of pedestrian, I notice things like the yellowing of the edges of the leaves in late August and the slight temperature differentials moving between seasons. But my favorite thing is the smell. It soothes my soul to smell the transitioning season.
It occurred to me yesterday that I am about to enter the final year of my 20s.
All things are temporary. This has become my mantra. When I am happy I remember all things are temporary and make every attempt to live within and appreciate the moment of happiness. When things are stressful, remembering that all things are temporary helps me manage the anxiety of living within a stressful situation. Temporary may mean a very long time and it may mean a few fleeting seconds but temporary never means forever.
I will be okay.
Sunday, August 2, 2015
A Very Good Weekend, Indeed.
This was a really excellent weekend. It was exactly what I needed. Friday night we had dinner with a friend I met during a class project and her husband. They are amazing humans and I would very much like for us all to be friends. Also, I like having a friend whose eyes don't glaze over when we talk about transportation.
After dinner Andrew headed up to Leadville to climb a mountain so I had the bed to myself.
Saturday morning started with breakfast and coffee before I headed off to the grocery store. I walked which I haven't done in a long time and proceeded to stock up on canned pantry supplies so the walk home was not that great but I do enjoy grocery walks overall.
After groceries I had a seriously productive day of cleaning ALL the things. It was glorious. I am even going to bed knowing the dishes are done, I have breakfast and lunch for the week, and clean clothes to wear.
The RTD position has been posted. My resume is prepped and ready, it is simply awaiting proofreading by my WTS mentor. I would really LOVE it if they could go ahead and hire me. I can't imagine he will get too many applicants given the specialized nature of the position but who knows...
Wedding things are really starting to roll. My bridal shower is next week and planning for my bachelorette is rolling. I am so relieved the two friends who never met prior to getting together for this get along so well.
This afternoon we took a drive to the neighborhoods we have been eying for our home purchase. It helped us rule out some areas and I think we are not interested condos, only townhouses with no upstairs or downstairs neighbors and little patio and yard areas. One was open for an open house. It was SUPER cheap but needed quite a bit of work.
My parents were on their way home from the springs today and stopped to treat us to breakfast at Sassafras. It was a really nice time.
And finally, our old couch is gone! This means I don't have to pay someone to take it. Hurray!
After dinner Andrew headed up to Leadville to climb a mountain so I had the bed to myself.
Saturday morning started with breakfast and coffee before I headed off to the grocery store. I walked which I haven't done in a long time and proceeded to stock up on canned pantry supplies so the walk home was not that great but I do enjoy grocery walks overall.
After groceries I had a seriously productive day of cleaning ALL the things. It was glorious. I am even going to bed knowing the dishes are done, I have breakfast and lunch for the week, and clean clothes to wear.
The RTD position has been posted. My resume is prepped and ready, it is simply awaiting proofreading by my WTS mentor. I would really LOVE it if they could go ahead and hire me. I can't imagine he will get too many applicants given the specialized nature of the position but who knows...
Wedding things are really starting to roll. My bridal shower is next week and planning for my bachelorette is rolling. I am so relieved the two friends who never met prior to getting together for this get along so well.
This afternoon we took a drive to the neighborhoods we have been eying for our home purchase. It helped us rule out some areas and I think we are not interested condos, only townhouses with no upstairs or downstairs neighbors and little patio and yard areas. One was open for an open house. It was SUPER cheap but needed quite a bit of work.
My parents were on their way home from the springs today and stopped to treat us to breakfast at Sassafras. It was a really nice time.
And finally, our old couch is gone! This means I don't have to pay someone to take it. Hurray!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)