Life is waiting, queuing, patiently keeping anxiety at bay while the moments we anticipate sit just beyond. Just out of reach.
Waiting is not something I have ever handled with any true amount of grace. It makes me feel crazy and out of control.
Currently I am waiting for the recruiter to call me and set up my interview. I am waiting for a job offer I truly hope I get. I am waiting for the increase in salary that will come with changing jobs, I am waiting for Andrew to get his business out of the confines of his happy little imagination where I fear he will let it live indefinitely. I am waiting to be done living in apartments, I am waiting for the moment we can get a dog.
But dwelling on all of this waiting is a waste of the moment I currently find myself in and that has been the real tragedy of my life. This is the real tragedy of my chronic and overwhelming anxiety.
It has been an ongoing New Year's Resolution to get better at waiting and to learn to appreciate right now. I am better than I used to be but not where I wish I was. I am a work in progress.
For now I will incentivize the wait by re-watching a movie I love and drinking a gin and tonic or two. It helps that I am not in any hurry to go camping this weekend...
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