There is nothing more for me to do. I gave it my all, my very best, my entire self. If my every effort was not adequate then this was not where I was meant to land and I will land someplace better. If they don't hire me, I can smoke a bowl a little sooner (anxiety has been CONSUMING me for too long). If they do hire me, I will have a $20,000 annual salary raise. Either way, I will be OK.
The paths I could have chosen are innumerable and yet there are times I lay awake exploring the possibilities of choices not made. Is this normal? Does it matter? The point is that I did make choices and I am in a relatively good place. The possibilities of the unknown leave me nostalgic for things, places, people that might have been. But maybe it's the changing of the season, metaphorically and physically. I did make the choice to get married in a few months.
Some people say that if you have any doubts about getting married you are making the wrong choice. I think these people are delirious. If you have no doubts after a collective 7-8 years together, knowing all the bullshit that comes with this person, and you still don't have doubts, you are an ignorant and possibly very dumb person. The point is, with doubts and bullshit and all, I am still making the choice because it is the best decision. Like I have previously mentioned, I don't believe in "the one" or "soul-mates". My life is not a romantic comedy nor do I want it to be. And interpersonal romantic relationships come with doubts and trials. They also come with laughs and hope. And that, folks, is life. Life for a cynic anyway.
And here is this because I still love it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzQls6sZ6ws
No comments:
Post a Comment