This has been a rough few weeks. It feels like my body and immune system was under the impression that we all held it together brilliantly for the last year so everyone was going on vacation. And in moved a boil that turned into like 25 boils. Next came the cold sore. And the runny nose. Then the cough. Then my asthma was like... hold my beer. But with some good meds and the world's most expensive asthma attack ER visit I seem to be doing quite well again.
Sam and I had our first fight. We worked it out okay. I think I handled it reasonably well. And he did too after he came to understand that he had hurt me with his actions. He brought me sliceworks the next night because he might actually be the best.
Things just feel different with him. I'm comfortable with how we operate together. I have enough space to myself to not feel like I'm throwing my summer of me to a man. And enough of him to feel loved and wanted when I need it. And the sex is mind blowing. So there's that. He gives me space to be me. And he doesn't shy away when I'm weird. While no perfect human exists, he fits me quite well.
I'm tired. And happy.
I've been getting the urge to settle down and start a family now that things are slowing down for me. This isn't all that unusual given that I was there with Andrew before I burned that life down and started over. I don't want to rush into anything with anyone who isn't the right match for my future.
My apartment is unequivocally and unapologetically me. It is glorious. It has been a wonderful place to reground myself. It feels safe here. I'm going to start weaning down my antidepressant. Which means I need to start seeing my therapist again.
Thursday, May 25, 2017
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
The Return of Normal
Holy shit. Today feels like I am almost back to normal. It's mind-blowing. I have routine and emotional stability and a feeling of general well-being.
My intern was selected to attend a Summit in D.C. and as her mentor I get to attend with her. I'm proud. And very excited for the opportunity to go to D.C. to mentor some of the best and brightest high school girls looking at the possibility of a career in transportation. It reignites my passion for what I do. And my passion for the future.
I'm gonna need RTD to get it together and hire me for the equity position. I'm ready for a change there. If/when that happens, I will have pretty much upended put my life back together in some very different ways this year. I'm proud of me for surviving that shake up. And come back out the other side different in ways I needed to be and stronger in ways I needed to be.
And I'm incredibly thankful I found Sam on the other side of this. I see a future with him. I like his principles. I like his life philosophies. I like the way he inspires me to do and be better. I like how easy it has been to trust him. He has integrity. I like that.
My intern was selected to attend a Summit in D.C. and as her mentor I get to attend with her. I'm proud. And very excited for the opportunity to go to D.C. to mentor some of the best and brightest high school girls looking at the possibility of a career in transportation. It reignites my passion for what I do. And my passion for the future.
I'm gonna need RTD to get it together and hire me for the equity position. I'm ready for a change there. If/when that happens, I will have pretty much upended put my life back together in some very different ways this year. I'm proud of me for surviving that shake up. And come back out the other side different in ways I needed to be and stronger in ways I needed to be.
And I'm incredibly thankful I found Sam on the other side of this. I see a future with him. I like his principles. I like his life philosophies. I like the way he inspires me to do and be better. I like how easy it has been to trust him. He has integrity. I like that.
Monday, May 8, 2017
Still Doing Just Fine
Sam took time to surprise me with an edible arrangement at work on Friday. It makes me question if I deserve this kind of time and consideration. He made sure there were not bananas. Because he listens. Do I deserve this? Did Andrew convince me that I was undeserving of time and consideration? I felt guilty receiving my sweet surprise. This kind of thing doesn't happen for me, right? Did somebody make a mistake?
He makes my heart dance. I forgot I could feel like this. He makes me feel like he wants to be in my life. I forgot I deserved someone who was actually interested in me. I'm being melodramatic. But I felt pretty awful for far to long and I just can't believe this guy is real. Still waiting on the other shoe to drop. He farts, he snores, he leaves the toilet seat up, he's late, and he's damn near perfect. I feel safe and comfortable in his cuddle. I don't even hate sleep cuddles with him. He feels like home. And my god can that man satisfy naked. Whew! He made my toes tingle last night. With my antidepressant my orgasms are dulled. I'd never get dressed with him if they weren't dulled. I'm feeling very lucky to have chemistry with him in so many ways and be so different in enough ways to be interesting to continuously learn about.
Things are very good.
He makes my heart dance. I forgot I could feel like this. He makes me feel like he wants to be in my life. I forgot I deserved someone who was actually interested in me. I'm being melodramatic. But I felt pretty awful for far to long and I just can't believe this guy is real. Still waiting on the other shoe to drop. He farts, he snores, he leaves the toilet seat up, he's late, and he's damn near perfect. I feel safe and comfortable in his cuddle. I don't even hate sleep cuddles with him. He feels like home. And my god can that man satisfy naked. Whew! He made my toes tingle last night. With my antidepressant my orgasms are dulled. I'd never get dressed with him if they weren't dulled. I'm feeling very lucky to have chemistry with him in so many ways and be so different in enough ways to be interesting to continuously learn about.
Things are very good.
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