I'm stuck on a conversation I had, earlier today. It bothers me quite tremendously that Austin dragged my name through the mud so badly when we broke up. I honestly do not know that I could have done much differently. This is almost 10 year old news so I'm not quite sure why I'm so irritated by it right now. It probably has something to do with my needing to ask his mom to do me a huge favor that could have a huge impact on my career and I feel completely uncomfortable doing it because I know his family has mixed feelings about me. And it makes me crazy because that jackass broke up with me so that he could ask out another girl and when she wasn't interested he came running back to me. His reaction to our breakup was irrational and overstated. And it pisses me off that it is having any effect on me this far removed from that time in my life.
It would be really nice to be completely occupied with school. The nuanced complications of interpersonal relationships with people in my life are confusing and difficult to navigate.
I need to do something with my evening. I'm confident PMS just hit me like a brick. I definitely just cried for no reason. I'm also crazy tired right now. And cranky. And crazy with anxiety. I would like it to rain this evening.
What the shit am I doing with my life? It seems like something is missing and I don't know what it is. I'm in the middle of a transition and I would like it to go ahead and work itself out. Maybe I'll start by doing my laundry.
Here is a fun video for the evening.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GohpyK5Y3g&feature=player_embedded
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