I think I'm on the precipice of depression. It's likely that I am going to retreat into myself very, very deeply and very, very, soon. I can't handle the way I'm feeling today. I cried nearly all day. What am I going to do with myself? I have got to get it together. I can not sustain throwing up every single night. It can't be good for me. I could use some love right now. I really need someone to reach out to me and love me unconditionally and I realize that I am the only person whom I can expect this from. I feel like I'm going to be a mess for the rest of time.
Fuck this. I am okay. I don't need DLR to apologize. He's a douchebag, and douchebags have no idea how to be decent human beings. I can't hold that against him. Emily can be ruthless with her honesty sometimes. Clearly she is not that concerned that she really hurt me with what she said earlier. She has better things to do. I can't blame her. I met Patrick one night and though it was a great night, it's ludicrous to think that there is actually a future for us and even more ridiculous to believe that he would come to visit me. I don't hold that proclamation with much credence. My job sucks but it's temporary. I'm smart, very smart and I will do big things with my life; starting with my education. I don't need company to feel better tonight. I have benedryl and that's the next best thing to having a friend to help me feel better. Nothing hurts me or makes me insignificant or terrible when I'm sleeping. Mostly because I rarely remember my dreams. Tomorrow is a new day and it's my Friday. Everything will be okay.
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