Meant to be together, but not that night.

So here's the deal. I have two years to work towards my goal of New York. I finally have a clear path and goal ahead of me. It's filled with excitement and fantastic journeys. I just had to fall on my ass, wipe the tears out of my eyes and stand back up to see it again. Opportunity and my ability to posses it are my greatest assets in life. By living my life according to the law of anecdotal value and always choosing that path that will lead to the best story, in the end I will never regret a single moment in my life. And up to this point, I do not regret even the smallest decision in my life. I like the person I am and wouldn't trade the experiences I've had to be anyone else. And maybe I can't find love in my life because I'm looking in all the wrong places and maybe the love of my life is already in my life and I just haven't had the opportunity to really get to know him yet. Either way it doesn't matter because the love of my life will understand that I didn't find him right away. I will have the rest of my life to spend with the love of my life because I will not have settled on anyone less than he and will never need to divorce and try again. My discretion and inability to settle is one of the best things I can do for myself.

I do not want kids. I don't want to go through the act of being pregnant. I do want to be a positive influence on a child's life but I don't want to bring a child into this earth.

I want to be done with school before 30. I want to make at least $80,000 a year in my career and it needs to have at least 6 weeks of paid vacation with a good work/life balance. I want to live near water, because it calms me the beauty provides me with great inspiration and reminds me to be thankful. I want a garden, with herbs and grasses and flowers and vegetables. I want a little car and savings account and trip to somewhere new every year. I want someone in my life who loves me unconditionally, is patient and kind. I will never regret not sleeping with enough men or having the right experiences. I will have no regrets going into a lifetime partnership with a man. I will have my education and my career and my goals and ambitions and I will have a fantastic life. And I will do it without having committed myself to a lifetime with a man who never adored me. I am my own best advocate. I've never once successfully done something the way someone else wants me to. I blaze my own trail and I do things my way.

I am okay.