I Believe Because It Works

I put out another feeler to test the waters with Max about 3 hours ago. And I have not heard anything back. I have been putting them out from time to time to test his level of interest. I don't want to continue to have feelings for him if he doesn't reciprocate them. We had come to a point in the conversation when he had indicated he had a new project so my response, very purposely was, "I'm excited for you to tell me all about it next time we hang out." As an indication that I want to see him again. And nada. So I will give him until the end of the weekend to get back to me before I move on.

Maybe I should whiten my teeth.

Today during class I really felt a disconnect between the way I see the world and communicate my though process and how many of the younger students in the class explain their own thought processes. I am miles beyond many of them and I don't really know when I developed such adult communication skills. I'm sure it came from working in a professional/quasi professional setting and the call center likely has helped as well. I was appalled at some of the responses people had as their first thoughts in a Islam word association. How do people have such closed, uneducated minds about things? What is the harm in opening one's mind and heart to the possibility, make that likelihood that everything you believe can and likely at some point will be called into question disproved and challenged and that this is no reason to feel down. I celebrate my agile ability to change my mind upon presentation of enlightening new information. Why aren't other people?

This holding out for a good guy thing is hard and frustrating and time consuming. And since I have put this much time into already, I don't want to settle for anyone less than what I deserve. I want someone who is crazy about me. And I just haven't gotten that from anyone so far. I start to feel like there is something inherently wrong with me. I am, after all, the common denominator in this whole mess. But what is it that I'm doing wrong?

The comedy show last night was amazing. I'm a little concerned with myself that I found the comedian who looked like Austin to be really attractive.

What am I going to do with my life? I wish I had all the pieces to the puzzle. I wish that searching for the different pieces wasn't so cumbersome and time consuming. But I suppose that the journey in the the search is what counts as life and all I can do in my journey is make it a good story.