I'm in a very strange mood, at the moment. Max seems to have disabled his profile and I haven't heard from him since my last text, Thursday. It's not a terrible long time but a long enough time that I'm ready to give up on it. I'm disinterested in all things man right now. My heart is a little disappointed and it's causing me to feel a little melancholic. I need a new computer. My hair has gotten much longer. I should take a geography course. I'm really stressed out about my project. I think I will allow myself a meltdown this evening. And then I can regroup and start moving forward again. Seriously, four dates and you don't have the courtesy to just tell me you are not interested? I hate having been left hanging. I feel very lost, in this moment. Lost and insignificant. My cold sore is pissing me off I'm feeling unattractive. What caused Max to go away? I can not think of a single moment when I felt like things went haywire. It has to not have anything to do with me. Or he just isn't attracted to me. It's just such a damn bummer. I need a good dose of fukitol. I need to work on my homework again. I just don't even know anymore. But did I ever know?
Addendum... (a few hours later)
I finished the first draft of my power point, cleaned my apartment, made a pot of chili, did my dishes and in general was a complete rockstar, today. I don't care about Max, anymore. He can go fuck himself. I will find someone who knows he wants me. Whatever his deal is is not about me. I will not apologize for who I am and who I am is all I know how to be. So whoever will be in my life will accept that. Period.
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