Last night, as my date walked out of the door, earlier than I had hoped and I was grappling with my disappointment that the night had to end so soon and my fear that I wouldn't get to see him again. A fear that he was leaving because my food was bad or something or maybe I had said something to turn him off and he was using "class at 9:00 AM" as an excuse to leave. As I was processing this mildly irrational fear and feeling I drunkenly searched through my stuff for the phone number I had written down in case I needed to contact that jackass. And I contacted him. I simply said hi. And he answered right away. And as it was determined that he was in Texas I realized what a blessing it was that he was a long plane ride away and that I wouldn't be seeing him. Because I don't want to be with anyone but Max. I really like him, a lot. I get along really well with him and he is so much fun and is simply adorable. I want to get to know him better but in that, he is the only guy I want to focus on. He feels like home; safe, warm, comforting. And I'm glad we didn't sleep together last night. And I'm impressed that he resisted because I made it really difficult; the girls were out full force and I made him two very strong drinks. Now that we didn't have sex on the third date, I would maybe like to wait even longer. I was reading through an old journal this morning. It is alarming how unhappy I was. I really should not allow myself back into a cycle like that one again.
This is going to be a very, very good year.
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