The emotion that I need to convey when I put my fingertips to the keyboard is unrecognizable to me. How do I describe something I have never felt before? I'm naked. My skin, my self, my being as I have known it for so long is gone, the molting process which ended so painfully has ended and here I sit, naked. Exposure to the world is fascinating and creates a sort of fear and idyllic sense of the future for me. When I no longer yearn for the company of a man, I will be truly ready to have one. Here, tonight, I found myself with a sense of longing while I lay in bed by myself. Though I do feel as though I'm starting to really, adamantly, appreciate being by myself. It was brought to my attention recently that I've been addicted to a toxic kind of man. It really was a slap in the face, interrogation room bright lights, come to jesus, epiphany for me. My only focus going forward is me.
In this moment, with my world falling down around me, I feel almost blissful. Lately, in spite of all my turmoil I have been so very good at finding my bliss. And why not right? Why not is my new motto in life. I have got to start really challenging my comfort zone, expanding my horizons if you will. This is, after all, my meaningful life project.
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