I took pictures of my body last night that I like, which means I can now officially see my weight loss. I look really good! It's amazing how an unhealthy relationship can foster such an unhealthy lifestyle which creates a terrible self image which circles back around to continuing with said unhealthy relationship. I'm so thankful to have gained the courage and strength to break that circle and come back around to who I really am. And who I am is not the weak person who stayed in the circle almost a full two years longer than she should have. Lesson learned. Painful lesson, but lesson none the less.
I woke up really early today! It probably helps that I was in bed way earlier than normal. It felt good. I have so much day ahead of me before I even need to be to work. I can feel that my life is making a turn into a place that I want to be. Do you ever just feel like something really good is about to come into your life?
And at the same time, I'm so scared to let myself feel good about this one. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. It has to right? It does with every other guy. Is he really looking for a girlfriend or is he just looking to get laid? Until proven otherwise, I think I'm going to have to say that he is just looking to get laid. And I have to treat my interaction with him accordingly. I'm worth more than allowing anyone to use me and leave me out to dry. I think my self image has been so low that I'm ready and willing to do anything for any cute boy who looks my way. No more, the pain from my past will no longer play such a strong influence on my future. This will be the next evil circle in my life I have to break out of.
I'm thinking about getting a new job. The day after I get back from Seattle has got to be dedicated to getting my school stuff taken care of. I think I will stick with my sociology major just to get through it. I'm also going to get a job in a restaurant like the one I want to open. I'm starting to wane on the idea and I promised myself I would stick with it, even when I'm waning on the idea. So that is what I will do. But as far as school goes, that is just a milestone I want to complete for me and sociology interests me so I'll stick with it for my degree.
I have to get my debt paid off. My car will be paid off in a year and that will free up all sorts of money. My car insurance will go down at that point also and all of that extra can go into my credit card and student loan debt. I have to get to a point that I can replace the timing belt in my car. I don't need that disaster in my life. Maybe I'll see if I can borrow the money from my parents. I hate Andrew for having not done it last year like I asked him to. Why did I waste my time with him? He did so much damage in my life! I don't know if I will ever forgive him and be at a point where I can be his friend. It's been 7 months since we broke up and I hate him as much as ever, if not more.
My paragraphs are very grammatically incorrect. We'll go ahead and just refer to them as shifts in thought. The periods between my next ranting of words.
There is so much more I want to do with me life, but up to this point, I am very happy with what I have been able to accomplish with my life. I have lead a story-worthy life and that is all that I can ask of myself. I didn't close myself off to experience in order to achieve a prestigious career early in my life. I fear that people who do that are setting themselves up for a midlife crisis when they are older and realize they have done nothing but worked their lives away.
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