What a huge lesson it is to learn to manage my expectations. I'm finding it has a dramatic influence on my quality of life. Why have expectations for any person outside of my self? My reality has consisted of believing that I could depend on certain things from certain people and what an unfair assumption for me to hold for people.
This morning has been nothing short of beautiful. The heat wave has broken for the morning, I'm having a quiet morning listening to story tellers and sipping my hot cup of coffee. And having epiphanies. It's time to let go of all of my hard feelings. They are serving no purpose of any good in my life and they need to go.
Monday I join the ranks of the real world again. I'm excited and scared. My whole world is going to be dramatically different again. I'm hoping the added routine will help me to slow my life back down to borderline boring. I want to do that for awhile until I get tired of it. And we all know that I will get tired of it.
I don't think I'm going to talk to Kurtis anymore.
Actually, I just can't picture how a man could add anything beneficial to my life at this point. Look at all the wonderful things I've accomplished on my own. I'm back in school with some direction as to where I want to go in my life. I have a beautiful apartment in a splendid neighborhood. I've learned to manage my meltdowns. I have a good grasp the nuances of my feelings and personality and what sets me off. I've been to a therapist. I've redeveloped my relationship with my mom, with both my parents really. I feel more centered and grounded and I'm in the best physical shape I've been in in years. And though I'm not perfectly the person I know I can be, I still have something to work towards. I am okay.
I'm working on the most amazing project at my internship right now. I'm so so so happy I took that internship because this experience is really adding a new dimension to my knowing what I want to do with my life. I've been assigned to define and redevelop the high school internship program that the BBB puts on in this area. What a fantastic program this thing is! They take a few kids from underserved high schools and pay them minimum wage while they give them job training and life skills and teach them financial literacy and give them contacts with in the business world through the connections to accredited businesses and really give these kids a fighting chance at a career. And I'm helping to re-write the curriculum, drawing up the marketing materials and researching similar programs nationwide to help redevelop the program. It's something that I'm passionate beyond passionate about and it makes such a difference to my quality of work and motivation to do my work. And I'm doing it for free and I don't even care because at the end of the day I'm going to make a difference in somebody's life through this program.
My body feels like I've lost weight in the last few weeks. It feels good. I've really focused on eating really healthy, fresh food again. Summer makes that so much easier.
I really want to convince my mom to go do a weekend trip in the mountains somewhere. Now that I'll be working Saturdays, I'm not sure when that will happen. Maybe Labor Day?
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