I'm really not feeling today. I just don't feel okay. My confidence is down, my sprit is non-existent. And I still have two days to work until I have some time off. My job has become a social setting where I am able to get a great workout, and get paid to make friends. Is there ever such a thing as normal? Will I ever feel genuinely happy more often than not? Will I find love in my life? Will I ever stop getting zits? Will the pain of my grandmother's passing ever truly fade? How do I find love in my life again? I just want to feel wanted. Truly wanted. I haven't felt this way, wholly and completely since before Andrew and I got together which was when Chris and I were together which was over 5 years ago. God, I can't believe how long it's been since that time in my life. I have had the opportunity, in my life, to find a distinguished love affair with food, food culture and everything that goes into food and food culture. I feel that for my age and background, my palate and taste is highly evolved. But to have completely gotten over me so beyond disappointing. In the back of my head I always wanted a chance to do our relationship again. We had such an amazing and dynamic relationship and to be quite honest, it still is an amazing and dynamic relationship in it's own capacity. I've decided to name my restaurant "Roberta's" after the woman who gave me the inspiration and background to begin my life in food. Her garden, her relentless baking, her canning, her everything food instilled a love affair of my lifetime. She picked wild berries, raised her own meat, grew her own veggies and then preserved them for the winter. Her bread was legendary and her spirit was always strong. I like to think I have her perseverance and spirit, green thumb and talent with dough. These things make me feel better about losing her to dimentia. It gives me a great deal of pride to know that my carrying of these qualities give me an opportunity to develop and carry on with them, to pass them on to as many people who will allow me to and "Roberta's" will be the best goal in which to place my perseverance and spirit. It will be "down-home" food where you can go and hear live music, taste fresh, local, comfortable, creative food. People will leave having experienced the spirit and legacy of my grandmother.
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