Strangely, I'm not as disappointed as I expected to be about tomorrow. It will give me more time to lose more weight before I see you again. And it will save me some money. And it will give me an opportunity to really decide what I want. And really, do I need to decide what I want right now? Honestly, past getting back into school, I don't really know what else I want. Day by day, minute by minute, experience by experience is all that I can focus on right now. Knowing how to keep myself from falling into a boredom that allows for meltdowns is all that is saving me from myself. I was able to purchase smaller clothing again today. I'm finally beginning to actually see weight loss. Last night, I stayed up entirely too late and now I'm pretty tired tonight. I could really use some affection right now. My anxiety is starting to get out of hand this week. I'm going to need to make a doctor's appointment so I can get some xanax. I'm getting really close to crawling into a shell again. It could have a lot to do with my phone situation. I'm almost 100% confident that you are blowing me off and it breaks my heart and shatters my confidence. I know I'm not ready to be with anyone yet because I'm asking myself how much longer do I have to endure this? I know that I will not be truly ready to love someone wholly and completely until I am satisfied completely with being on my own. A man is an accessory, not the main focus. I just want to be numb right now. I don't want to feel anything for a while.
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