All things considered, I think I'm holding it together really well. Also, I would like to point out that I have not had any instances since before I left Seattle. And given all the different stressful situations I have endured in the last few months, this is really a milestone for me. I have finally learned how to effectively handle my stress in a healthy way. Really, I'm very proud of me for making it this far in my emotional maturity. I feel like I have beat a hurdle in my life that has been eluding me for a very long time. I feel strong and almost secure. I feel like I am headed in the right direction again, like I'm finally getting my life back together. My life has been falling apart for nearly 2 years now. My world and ability to identify who I am nearly collapsed completely. What was I thinking staying in such a loveless place in my life? Last night in the quiet, snowy streets, I felt such a sense of peace. I couldn't tell if it was the unusual warmth or the soft, quiet way the snow slowly fell over the warm glow of the streetlights while the whir of my tires rolled over the slush on the asphalt and the anticipation of the night to come. Or maybe it had everything to do with the warmth radiating from with in my heart because in that moment I felt true peace in my heart. Nothing was causing me any sort of angst or anxiety. I just was and I was in a beautiful moment. What a grand opportunity I have in my life right now. The world is wide open to me. There is nothing and no one holding me back from pursuing exactly what I want in life. And I really think I'm ready to just go for it. I've had my great adventure, I've come to feel more grounded in my life and though I still get impatient and bored I am prepared to work hard and make my dreams reality. This is my moment. This is my time and if I don't take this opportunity to move forward with my life, I may not be afforded another. I think I have taken enough miss steps to do it right this time. There is nothing to in my past to regret, I would not be who I am today had I done anything differently and I am thankful for who I am. I am almost completely the adult I dreamed I could be. I am beautiful, strong, independent, and intelligent. I have an awesome studio in an awesome neighborhood, in an awesome city. I live in the city. Not the suburbs, not the outskirts, but in the city. And not in the slums either, I live my life in a diverse and upcoming part of town with thousands of young people just like myself. I live across the street from a swanky coffee house which is right next to an awesome boutique selling consignment clothing. Up the street is the best little Mexican cafe selling me burritos at an insanely cheap price and down the street is an aquarium, the river, the amusement park, a 40 mile bike path, REI's Denver flagship store, my organic grocer and the best little breakfast joint. I'm a short cab ride to partying downtown. I am educated about the environment and my impact on it. I know how to sew, how to cook like it's nobody's business and on a budget, I have my own style and a great taste in and supply of shoes. I have a passion for good food, good wine, and good fun laughter and am familiar enough with all of these things to maintain a conversation about any of them. I am swanky and strange and have a personality that is really all my own. If you looked at me on the street, you would never guess my taste in music but I can hold my own with any music freak out there. I have lost 35 pounds and am working on taking off more weight and with my new found enthusiasm for my life, I don't think this is an impossible challenge for me. And best of all, I live close to you again, I have an opportunity to reconnect with the love of my life. I know that I don't want anybody but you and I know that it is not going to happen right away and I am okay with this because I have so many pieces of my life that need to be found and put back together before I can be with anyone.
Everything happens for a reason and I am doing great things with my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment