Look Ma No Hands

I'm completely irritated with myself right now. Really? I'm glad I'm young enough to bounce back from my mistakes. I fully intend to make up for my mistake tonight. Tonight, I bring my A game. What can I throw myself into to make me feel better? Am I mad because I feel unwanted or because I actually wanted a relationship? I think it has more to do with feeling unwanted. I honestly don't think I wanted a relationship. I know that I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm just mad that he doesn't seem to want a relationship. That is a little fucked up of me. I'm a little fucked up right now. This really shows me how fucked up I am about men too. I'm okay with just being friends. I don't understand why I'm so fussy right now! I want to do something to change my appearance. I want to do something to change my personality. I want to rebel. How should I do that? I'm about to have a panic attack.