Feeling Like Gold

In the two years following my move, I spent a great deal of time simply saying yes to all things, people, experiences, etc.  It was my way of healing, of experiencing.  My motto has been, in that time, if it will make for a good story, there is no reason not to do it.  This has served me well for the time but it came to a tipping point over the summer where I felt out of control.  Things that seemed as though they would be a fantastic story turned out to be heartbreaking stories in the end.  The second half of the year gave me a great chance to pick up the pieces of a life I had over extended and fallen apart and put them in place.  Not just in a haphazard "store them for now" type place but in a true introspection of what I really want for my life kind of way.  The fourth quarter of my year has been my strongest, most confident and sure time of my life thus far.  I had to fall down and fall hard to find a stronghold in my life's footing.  I suppose this is the story of life.

26 came up on me in a hurry.  I see a future; a realistic future for myself like never before and it is one that makes me very happy to look forward to.  Making less reckless, more well thought out decisions suddenly seems less boring than it did not so long ago.  I want to see this one through.  The opportunity costs of not pursing my current life courses outweighs the spent costs of the stumbles and failures along the way.

I can hardly wait to start school again in a few weeks.  I will have a planning class that will focus on Denver and the course content is thrilling to me.  And after this semester I will be doing nothing but planning classes and internships and graduate school applications and planning for the possibility of another big life adventure in another wonderful city.  My next five years hold a lot of hope and promise for me and I intend to make the best of what is left of my youth.

So from the recklessness of pursuit of crazy stories I transition into making sure to chase the dreams that scare me, to find a truce with my own inner wars and battles, to never leaving words unsaid, to being so good they can't ignore me, and to living out the life that I have imagined.

For the next year my focus is on making good decisions, taking care of my health (mental and physical), continuing my quest into radical honesty, learning to trust my own instinct and making sure to love and appreciate all the friends and family who have stuck by me through good decisions and bad.

Cheers!