The Wonder Woman Pose

I started my day by watching a TED talk about the merits of the role body language plays in your perception of yourself.  It was quite enlightening.  Tonight, immediately before I sat down to write this, I struck the wonder woman pose for a minute or so and felt immediately better about my predicaments.

My life feels out of order and out of my control which might be why I found myself in a throw stuff out and find order, control and balance in my home mood today.  And though my home feels harmonious, getting used to other people playing a role in my future is not a feeling I have found myself accustomed to enjoying.  I want the things I'm waiting for to happen now, dammit.  I want to know where I'm going to be living in the next few months.  I want to know if I will have the will power to save enough to quit my job in August.  I want to know what grades I'm going to get in my classes.  I want to know that I survive and maybe even thrive in the next year.  I'm seeing most of the hurdles that will likely challenge me in the coming months and I'm making game plans to conquer them but all this focus on my challenges has me feeling a bit defeated.

Maybe I feel the way I do because my chest cold is preventing me from moving faster than a geriatric turtle lest I find myself in a coughing fit that squeezes my lungs of every breathable drop of air.  So long fitness challenge prize...  I'd rather have healthy lungs more quickly than have the cash prize but the drop in productivity between last month and this month has me a bit bummed.

Hearing from DLR, who is expressing wanting to be friends and hang out makes me feel very lucky to have someone who I know is serious about me.  I also know that because I'm not willing to sacrifice the trust and peace I have with this someone, I feel very good about telling him that this is not a possibility. He's incredibly pushy about getting movies back to me that were borrowed about a year ago and insistent that this is his only motivation but is also telling me that he misses my insight and opinions and then threw in that he is single again.  I don't buy it.  It reeks of bullshit.  And I've had about as much bullshit as I can stand.

Sit and wait.  Patience is the word of the year.