A System of Near-Infinite Complexity

Watching this woman die is by far the most powerfully painful experience I can say I've ever and may ever experience.  This disease, this degeneration of a person; the extended, prolonged goodbye to the shell that was once a vibrant strong grandmother, it's not as though you have a funeral and say goodbye and find peace.  There is no peace to be found, just nothing you can do to ease the pain.  The pain for me, for my mother watching her mother die, for my grandmother who can't even dress herself or clean up after herself or be trusted to shower without injuring herself or wandering off.  The fear that this is how I will watch my own mother die, the anticipation that I too will have this to look forward to when my time comes.  Nothing scares me more than not having the chance to do wonderful things with my life before those memories are all that I have left because I do not know anything of my present. Nothing marks the inequality and horribleness of life quite like watching someone die of dementia.