Be Good To Me

It's official. My period/uterus are out for revenge.

I am doing really incredible things with my life right now and truth be told a boy can only screw things up for me. I just don't see any other possibility. Yeah, sure, they can be fun, they can give me a high and take me to a low but in reality, it's simply a distraction from what matters to me most. Right now, what most matters to me is building my career and my future in that career.

I want to check in with my resolutions, edit them for relevance and make plans and goals to continue completing my goals of self-improvement.

Attend a poetry reading
Get my camera out at least once a month
Run five miles
Have sex at least once a week
Try a new food/wine once a month
Volunteer
Learn to make a new recipe once a month
Write every single day
Lose another 10 pounds
Stick to my budget
Get a pedicure
Continue to learn my own nuances and quirks and continue to develop who I am and love myself unconditionally
Maintain an "A" average in my classes
Learn to shoot a gun
Go someplace I've never been before
Stop using my credit cards
Join a volleyball or softball team
Join the Economics society
Read one book per month for fun
Learn to make conversation with random strangers
Forgive every person who has wronged me
See live music once a month
See a therapist
Buy a good bra
Learn to sing in front of people again.

I have seen live music on several occasions in the last two months and have definitive plans to see more coming up.

My phone has acted as a camera through January; however, my big camera is coming with me this weekend.

I engage in a sexual release at lease once a week.

Last month I made beef stroganoff for the first time, this month I made cornbread from scratch for the first time.

I will have a plethora of time for volunteering over the summer. I haven't made this official yet.

January I tried mushrooms again. I will make a point to buy some wine before the end of February for trying.

I have been writing in some form most every day, whether it be this journal or my paper journal.

Sticking to my budget hasn't been fantastic but it is my focus for the rest of February as well as March.

I think I will see if Maddy wants to do pedicures when I'm in Seattle.

In terms of loving me unconditionally, I think my recent disengaging of dating has been a true testament to loving me.

I nearly have an A average at this point and after my extra credit project is done I should have completed this goal.

Maybe when I go home for a week this summer I will go about this gun learning business.

I'm still working on going somewhere I've never been. Maybe I can convince my mom to go someplace over the summer. Canon City? Royal Gorge?

I'm getting to be much better about credit card usage; however, it's not quite where I'd like it to be. This will go in with my budget focus.

I don't think I need to join a team but if it comes up I will be all over it.

The Economics society doesn't seem to actually exist. So I will make an attempt to find something to replace it.

I am halfway into one book for January and February. I will be attempting to finish it before the end of the weekend.

I'm getting to be much better with my conversation skills. I certainly speak up in class discussions and am less apprehensive about talking to be people.

With the exception of Andrew, I believe I have made exceptional headway in forgiveness. Andrew will take an inordinate amount of effort, mostly because I will have to learn to forgive myself for the mistake of staying with him first. I will never be able to let that go until I forgive myself...

Forgiving myself is what going to therapy is about. I had my first consultation last Wednesday and my first official meeting next Thursday.

I purchased three good bras and now have them in my possession. I also purchased shape wear.

Singing in front of people will continue to come with time and my lack of give a fuck about what other people think.

I will need to purchase a scale before I can determine my progress on that front but I have so far successfully been able to do a back bend from a standing position and back up with out a spotter and that makes me feel like a champion.

I am okay. I will be okay. Everything is working out in the end.