Dirty Paws

I saw a therapist, today. It was nothing more than an appointment to gauge what my needs are as patient and who would best fill those needs. And just barely opening up about the things in my life that I'm struggling to heal from caused a massive meltdown. It seems like a referral to the phoenix center for the women who have been in abusive situations really just brought the whole thing back into perspective for me. I thought that I had healed when, in reality, I just put it behind a curtain and hid it away from view. It's so hard for me to grasp that this is something that happened to me and not who I am. I have a terrible habit of making it about me, justifying and making excuses for his actions I am bigger than this thing that I have experienced because I survived it having learned from it. And now I'm trying to close the wounds that remain and minimize the scar tissue that builds. I realize that he is not every man and every man is not him but somehow I can't shake that every man who has any desire to have a place in my heart will be required to climb the guarded wall around my heart and pass the red flag litmus test to even begin to create a soft spot for themselves with in the confines of my broken heart.