The Shadow Set in Motion

I'm a bit disappointed with how stressed out I feel after what should have been a day leaving me completely relaxed at the end. I feel sad. I feel sad that I have a month less in my perfect apartment before I have a roommate, I feel sad that I'm not doing better in my classes, I feel sad that it is so cold outside, I feel sad that this is my second annual single Valentine's day celebration, I feel sad that it's been a year and a half since I was with Andrew, I feel sad that I have not healed more in my time away from Andrew. I feel sad that I threw up tonight. I feel sad that I have yet to find an internship that seriously interests me. I feel stressed out that I am going to fail all my classes and school and life and I know how irrational this is. Is it okay to just allow myself to cry...a lot? Maybe crying a lot is what I need in order to completely move on in my life. But what if crying is me allowing this thing to continue to chain me down with anxieties and fears? Does one ever truly stop fearing life? I am terrified about the changes in my life. I am terrified that because I have decided that single is the best thing I can do for myself, that I will never find someone. The anxiety is debilitating. I started the day so well and as I continue the day in my own company the anxiety just creeps in over the course of the day until the cold and the dark set the anxiety as a hard ball in the pit of my stomach making rationality nearly impossible. Did I make a mistake by letting Ray go? Probably not. Nothing is permanent. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other, keep moving forward and only glance back to re-motivate the reason for my journey, the experiences, which have led me to have what little strength I posses. Tomorrow will be another day and sure, it's Monday, it will likely be greatly difficult to get through with out frustration but I can do it and I will be okay because at the end of the day I am slowly but surely building my life, my self into what I know in my heart of hearts it can be and should be.

I am okay.