Today I'm having a massive panic attack. I'm having one of those moments where I'm feeling suffocated, need a change, and could do something drastic to make that change happen. There has to be more to life than what I'm doing. How do I make something big happen in my life? I'm freaking the fuck out right now. I have to stop doing this to myself. Usually, I'm pretty good about appreciating the small, everyday, mundane in life but today it's not enough. I'm applying for new jobs. I can't do Costco anymore. It's time for a change in my life and that has to be it.
I also started my school application today. I have to get my life under control. I'm in a tailspin headed straight down right now. It's been building up for a while. I will be okay. I have to step away from my computer and just find a meditative spot for a while.
I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm not in constant contact with any boys right at the moment. My distractions are gone. I'm not feeling inspired. I'm suffocated and trying to break through barriers in my life that are not budging and I'm frustrated and I want to give up and just say fuck it! But I can't and I won't. Tomorrow will be a better day.
My life is just one big clusterfuck of a shit show sometimes.
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