So bright, she can burn your eyes

2013 is on my horizon, on my mind, just around the corner.  I realize that I say this every year; and don't get me wrong, I mean it every year, but 2013 will be my year.  After the shit storm that became the better part of this year, I feel stronger, more sure of my convictions, of who I am and what I want in my life, who I want in my life.  I don't doubt that I will be presented, around every corner, reasons to question my convictions.  But what kind of ignoramus would I be if I did not allow myself to question my own beliefs in order to know the true value of their worth?

I'm super bummed more Freaks and Geeks was never made.

My vision: I apply for this job that scares the hell out of me.  I nail the interview because the director of this program sees my worth as an addition to the Colorado Department of Transportation, he will see my passion for rail and transit, I start a full time temp position researching a major rail re-expansion for the state, gaining invaluable experience while working for credit at the University and taking two other online classes, maintaining my full time student classification.  I earn enough to save enough to not work over the summer, take an additional class and either do a volunteer internship at B-Cycle or work for Historicorps.  In the fall, I apply for and get either the RTD TOD, Transit Planner or Service Planner internship.  I rock that internship and finish out 2014, my 26th year like a boss.  This is my focus, my goal, my plan.

I don't want to get mommy tracked in my career.  I will sacrifice giving my parents grandchildren because my career is absolute important to me.  This may change but I feel like my talents, my happiness, everything is better served with me in the labor market.  This sharply clashes with the societal norms and values I've grown up with.  Sometimes it feels like maybe something is wrong with me to cause me to have no inclination towards motherhood.  It just feels like birthing a child, the woman gets the short end of the stick the whole way through.  You have to bare the pregnancy during and the after effects, most of the child rearing responsibility and you are generally the one who ends up losing pace with your career because it is expected that you, as a mom, should want to be at home with your children.  I'd be cool with a SAHD. I like the idea of being a traditional Dad.  I could coach Little League and stuff.

Tonight, I'm feeling really hopeful about the future.  I don't think I have anything more I want to accomplish in 2013 than what I've highlighted above.  This is my focus, my objective and my drive and I don't think I'll resolve to do anything more than maintain my focus.