Because I am about to implode, I am spending my evening taking care of myself. I am finding opportunities to laugh. I am allowing myself to heal from all the stress I'm coping with. And I will let myself experience whatever emotion(s) come my way.
I REALLY would like to know if I got the job. In the worst way, I want this thing; so incidentally I have gone from picturing myself and planning around having it. Then I freaked the fuck out and convinced myself I did not have it and started allowing myself to start the grieving process so that when they call to tell me I failed I can say "no biggie, I already knew and prepared for the worst."
When I look at my schedule for the next month and a half I also freak the fuck out with overwhelming feelings "ohmygodi'mgoingtofaileverythingihavetoomuchtodoandtoolittletimeholyjeeze!!!!!!"
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