I spent the better part of my day experiencing something that was likely a miscarriage. I have mixed feelings about this. This likely means two things: 1.) That jackass got me pregnant 2.) Crisis averted.
This also means that I have a totally new perspective on my sexual partners going forward. 1.) you will use a condom, no questions asked 2.) If I don't think we would have good children, you're not getting up in here.
I didn't really think about DLR today. I thought about him long enough to determine that if he got me pregnant 1.) It would be a little ironic now that I've told him to go fuck himself 2.)I was going to kill him.
But at the end of it, I still feel okay. Not overly good, but not bad. I felt good enough to prepare dinner and pick up my apartment and this is the latest I've been awake all week.
I have a terrible pain in my hip. Maybe it's the end of my body agreeing with me that we're neither interested in or ready for having a baby. It's like the universe is telling me that it's giving me a break since I'm nearly 25 and life pretty much sucks otherwise. It's the universe making up for my poor choice in men and lack of college education. It's the universe allowing me the opportunity to become an economics major, which I'm massively excited about. There is an incentive in telling people I'm an econ major. It makes me seem smart and nerdy, which I am. I think like an economist and the more I study different economics themed books the more at home I feel in the study. It was a great decision and unlike my other decisions, the closer I get to execution of the decision, the more excited I am about it.
At any rate, fuck this day and fuck my life.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
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