An Opportunity

3 mores days. It seems like a lifetime and a matter of seconds all at once. The anticipation is so amazing. Excited, and scared, and sad, and happy, and angry, and confused, all of these things have me wrapped up in this tangled web of emotion. All of these things contribute to the baggage that I need to lose if I ever hope to find love in my life again. I feel so let down by love right now. I have let myself fall and 2 out of 3 have let me hit the ground at full speed. The 3rd, well, he's great but I don't find that I am still attracted to him. Maybe I will never date another man who has an "A" name. How can you spend five years professing your love to me only to tell me you don't want me in your life and on that note, how can you spend 4 years ignoring me, only to tell me you can't live with out me? What the fuck? Both of you can kiss my ass. Neither of you deserve me and both of you have left me with scars that run deep. So deep, I'm not sure I will ever be able to shake them. So deep, I'm afraid I will never trust anyone else to actually love me in a healthy, stable relationship kind of way. This part of my life is an absolute disaster right now. There is so much I need to untangle and learn about myself and I'm really very excited about having an opportunity to do so. I really feel like burying myself in a cave for a few months. I need to learn how to take care of myself again. I need to learn to find happiness in who I am and what my life has provided for me.