Inevitable Transitional Conflict Reflection

Between Andrew going to the emergency room and my getting sick about as soon as he was feeling well again, this has been an interesting weekend, to say the least.  And now I am feeling anxious and nostalgic all at once. 

This is the first time in my adult life I can say with complete sincerity that a $6000 looming ER bill on top of building a house is not that big of a deal. It's more of a hurdle than a complete financial emergency.  It feels strange.

My life is about to be much less simple.  I have an incredible job in an actual career that I went to school to become, we are building a beautiful home in a neighborhood that has a lot going for it in the near and distance future, and Andrew is likely going to start a job where he is on the road most of the time but will bring in considerably more money.  It just feels....so....adult.  My problems are all very different than they used to be.  Instead of contemplating if I have enough leftover cash to grab a happy hour beer with a girlfriend, I am considering kitchen cabinet colors and washing machines.  It is a life transition and somehow I always find myself in a brief period of mourning when I go through these inevitable transitions.  

I go back to work tomorrow and it actually matters that I was gone for a few days.  I am the only one who does my job and will have quite a bit to catch up on.  I always wondered what that would feel like when I worked the dredge that was customer service where I made considerably less money but never had to worry about the job getting done while I was gone. 

I wonder if you ever feel melancholic for no other reason than your youth is behind you.  Melancholic for a beautiful song.  Melancholic because the day is turning gray.  Melancholic for what is and what could have been.  How is it possible to be so thankful for what I have while still wondering what could have been had I only chosen a very different path?  How many directions I could have gone and yet I find myself here, reflecting on the choices I didn't make.  Melancholic for the love I let go and the love I let in.  And happy at the same time for no other reason than the road I traveled was the absolute best one, for now.