Self Worth and New Experience

Well... Daniel turned out to be a bit of a douche waffle with no follow through.  I kind of think he is still really into me but I'm not going to commit myself or my time to anyone who isn't obviously super into me.  Andrew made me feel like I was constantly begging to be wanted and loved and I will not be going down that road again.  Fuck that.

I have decided to sell and move back downtown.  I don't like living this far away from everything and this house was built for an entirely different life that I am no longer living.  It and everything in it that reminds me of the great disappointment that was my marriage must go.

2017 will be about taking on the life I have always wanted.  I will be getting an apartment either in the Highlands or Cap Hill, I will be traveling to places I have always wanted to see, going to see the shows even on school nights and enjoying the hell out of this opportunity I have to make my life my own again.  I don't want to disappear into another person ever again.  If I want to go do something I should go do it.

I went to a movie by myself tonight.  It was one of the most profoundly beautiful and poignant films I have ever seen and combined with the score that cut right through my heart the whole experience left me with an incredible sense of grief.  It was perfect. I tackled dining out alone the last time I was single, this time I will tackle movies, concerts, and travel alone.

I met a boy on OKC I kind really think might be a good match.  We haven't met in person yet but he seems incredibly promising.  My parents will hate his gauges ears but I don't care.  I think he is incredible and sweet and attentive and hopefully will continue to be excited to see me as this continues.  We might go to Jamaica next month if our chemistry is as strong in person.  I truly hope it is. 

Dating is tiresome.  It has only been a few months and I am over it.  If neither Darren nor Damon work out (apparently I've got a thing for two syllable D names all of a sudden?) I am going to just take care of me for a while.  I like my solitude and dating takes so much damn energy I could be devoting to more worthwhile and less stressful things.  The only problem I foresee with that is getting laid but I'm sure I can figure something out there too.